Hi and welcome to my blog- this is the place where we can chat, exchange ideas, and offer support in this impossible task called parenting. Oftentimes we feel overwhelmed, stressed, sad, angry, frustrated, uncertain, guilty, confused, manipulated, joyous, proud, excited, peaceful, nurturing, and consumed by this pervasive role called parenting. What the hell are we doing???? Some days are great others are not so great. Some days we are like wow I can really do this other days we're like- OMG!! I miss being single with no kids and watching TV all day on a Saturday with nothing to do!! Remember those days?
Well this is what this blog is about- it's to help you quiet that voice in your head that questions everything you do, that wonders - will this leave permanent damage? Am I doing this right? In reality everything that you do is right because you are your child's only mother (or father) and it's up to you. Now not everything you do may be effective in getting the results you want. The questions here is not if you are doing things right but are you doing things that work? That is a great place to start because you are free from crucifying yourself every time you judge your actions. So I would love to hear from a few of you - what are you doing that does not work and how can I help you???
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Hello Olga,
ReplyDeleteHow are you? I am a mother of a beautiful two-year-old daughter, she is such a sweet little girl. My relationship with her is amazing however, there are days where I want to yank my hairs. I want to learn new tactics because apparently mine are just not working. She continuosly tests my patience and I just don't know what to do. She's not a good eater, she throws horrible temper tantrums, she's very needy of my attention (Only Mommy) and I just don't know what to do. Apart from that she's very rough but it's as if she dooesn't know her strength. Everytime I take her to the park to play with kids she plays to rough and without noticing she hurts them. It's so embarrasing. What I do is I tell her not to do that cause it hurts and we leave the park. Is there something I should do differently? Is there something I'm doing wrong? Thank you for your time.
Hi Natalie,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment and I am sure your comment will help others with children the same age. The thing with two year olds is that this whole developmental stage is about testing limits and they don't have a vocabulary that is developed enough for them to communicate their needs appropriately- hence the temper tantrums and pushing in the park. You are correct not only does she not know her own strength- it is very difficult for her to understand that her actions hurt other people. The best way to cope with this is 1. Remain calm, neutral- the way to achieve this is to understand that she is doing what two year olds do- this is normal. The part that makes you lose it- it's not how she is acting but what you think about how she is acting- there is a part of you that thinks you are doing a lousy job (that's why you feel embarassed) and it has nothing to do with you. This is how all two year olds behave- they test limits!!! Once you can look at her and say "Oh look- she's doing that two year old thing again" and there is nothing wrong or bad you'll be able to deal with it much better. 2. Don't try to talk to her while she's in it- temper tantrum, screaming, crying- just remove her from the situation- for example if she pushes a child instead of explaining to her she shouldn't push etc... remove her from the situation- sit her on the park bench and very calmly say to her when you are ready to play with other kids and you use your words we can go back. Let her tell you when she is ready- if she pitches a fit- then pick her up and leave- when she calms down you say- are you angry because we left the park? do you know why we left the park? Are you going to push next time we go to the park? Ok so next time we go to the park you will play with the kids and no pushing? Ok I will remind of this when we come back- but if you push again we will leave just like we did today. What you are doing is that you are beginning to help her put words to her feelings and teaching her that her actions have consequences, and that she has direct influence on what happens to her. The book I recommended is also helpful because there are specific strategies for children who are strong willed. I hope you found this helpful and I will post my next free workshop soon!! Love, Olga
Hi Olga!
ReplyDeleteHow about at school, when the kids bully others and parents get mad at school or at the parent of that specific kid. what are the parents supposed to do?
Thanks,
Paulina